i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
