that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i now understand why vodka
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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