You made me cry and you don't even care
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
