dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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