I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We smell like vodka and hangover
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