oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
