No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
