she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
