I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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