her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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