It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
