when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
