my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
