dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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