This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
