I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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