What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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