Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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