Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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