On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
