Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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