dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
