Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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