i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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