I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
