I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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