When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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