what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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