Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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