My liver just broke up with me...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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