It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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