Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
