I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
