I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
