If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
