does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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