Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
