There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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