I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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