You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
