i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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