I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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