I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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