he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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