Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
