There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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