she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
