Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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