I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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