It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
