I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
