Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
