dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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