She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
