i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
