I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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