Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
