I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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