she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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