My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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