nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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