So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
