hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
