Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
