well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
