I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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