Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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