D3 body, D1 cock
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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