Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
