I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
