I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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