i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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