The maid of honor just puked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
