he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
