So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
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I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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