Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
