I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want to make out with him forever
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
