Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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