I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
