you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
