i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
