Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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