i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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