Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
