I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
