I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
