I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
